Writing Stand up?

I’ve always wanted to do stand up but I don’t think I’m funny enough or have the life experience to come up with good material. Well today I looked up how to write stand up jokes and found a decent guide with an outline. 


Step 1: Establish a funny concept

My mom loved my white (ex) girlfriend.

Step 2: Make a list

-Mom was the only woman in a house of four sons and her husband. They did stuff together like cook, shop, gossip

-First girl I brought home

-would she be like this if she was black?

Step 3: Write your first draft

JOKE 1-

Establishing the Concept: So I was thinking about how my mother really loved my white ex-girlfriend. 

Emphasizing concept + creating a build up: I grew up in a pretty religious family and it was the first time I had brought a girl home. I have a lisp too…they probably thought I was gay.

Punch: Nope, I just wanted to avoid conversations about God spying on my sex life. Which by the way, can think of all the stuff God has seen? He’s probably like, “I did not think they would do that with the horses.”

JOKE 2-

Build up: So something was coming up and I was like “Mom, I’m bringing this girl home.” Cool, obviously she had to sleep in the guest bedroom because God forbid we sleep together after dating for 4 months. We get there and immediately they are bonding. I have NEVER seen her act like this. They’re shopping together, laughing together, my ex had damn near extracted the secret ingredient of my mom’s pound cake out of her.

Punch: Wonder if she would act like this if she was black…?

Emphasis: Maybe she just found it as an opportunity to teach a white person how to season food. Just kidding…that girl didn’t cook. 

Bonus tip: Create opportunities to pivot

I’m with this girl now and my Mom pretty much dismissed Mexico’s glorious contribution to food. You won’t eat a burrito but all of a sudden, Mom is on Duolingo learning Spanish because “they” are everywhere? …..Shit. My mom might be a racist. 

 

I liked this and I think I could flesh this joke out even more by exploring some more areas. I may continue to do this when I think of funny stuff. Here’s the link that I used: http://www.goldcomedy.com/resources/write-stand-up-comedy/

Advertisements

SPOILERS: Infinity War Thoughts

THERE WILL BE SPOILERS ALL THROUGHOUT THIS. LEAVE NOW IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE.

YOU. HAVE. BEEN. WARNED.


This isn’t a full review because I don’t want to do one but here are some quick thoughts. Thanos was such a good villain. Even though there were a billion main characters we got a villain with decent character development. He’s a psychopath but at least the reasoning for his actions aren’t just “I wanna rule the world” and he believes in his goals. He’s also strong as shit. Now there’s a part where a couple of the Avengers meet him on his planet and hatch a plan to deglove our purple antagonist. They get so close but then Peter Quill gets all in his feeling cuz his booty call got killed. Like bruh…you got half the universe murdered because you can’t control emotions? It’s your fault, Starlord. I hope you feel bad.

Actually, that’s all I wanted to say.  The movie was good, I’m sure we’ll see everyone back in the part 2.

Love you, bye.

 

Daily Prompt: Parallel

Back in college I was in this band called Chocolate Milk. At one point we thought we were about to be famous so we had to change our name. Turns out Chocolate Milk was a funk band from the 70s:

 

We couldn’t compete with that so started the arduous process of a name change. We finally settled on Halfro but we came up with many possibilities. One of those was Parallel Parks. I voted for this because I really liked the double meaning. One being the vehicular maneuver to place one’s car near a curb and the other of just having two public spaces adjacent to each other.

In the end I’m glad we didn’t go with it. So many letters.

If you care, this is what we sounded like:

https://halfromusic.bandcamp.com/releases

 

via Daily Prompt: Parallel

Wrinkle

I guess this was meant to be. 


A Wrinkle In Time was G A R B A G E.

Let me clarify, I mean the movie. The book holds a very important place in my heart. Seventh grade was one of the turning points in my life and I remember this book making a significant impact. So when the movie was announced and I saw the cast, I was appropriately excited. I liked the casting of the Misses, Gugu, and the best Chris. They also had a chunky budget, it should have worked.

But it didn’t.

It sucked.

My biggest gripe was that it was straight up boring. I don’t know how much of this is nostalgia but there was a sense of wonder, adventure, and tension in the book. None of that translated to the screen. Interesting things were taken out or changed for whatever reason. There were continuity issues that got annoying to me. Giant flying cabbage. OD bullying. Being LAUNCHED onto a mountain in a tree and SURVIVING?!? Sure, I’m nitpicking at this point but seriously this was not good. So I’m thinking, is this a worse adaption that The Last Airbender? Surely it can’t be but…

Positives:

-It was pretty
-Reese Witherspoon was fun
– Kid who played CW was good at being creepy and evil but that’s probably because he’s child. Every other time he was horrifically annoying.
-Zach Galifianakis had the funniest line in the movie but I can’t remember it because it was surrounded by doo doo.

Ugh

Pro-tip for every single person that dates: Don’t go to the movies on the first date. It’s dumb. We believe this was happening right next to us and it’s just doesn’t make any sense.

 

via Daily Prompt: Wrinkle

Daily Prompt: Noise

Noise

What a word. Is there a negative connotation associated with the word noise? Noisy, noise complaint. Probably but what about music and the sound of someone’s voice you like. The gentle underlying roar of a rain storm or the applause after a performance. Some noise is definitely annoying to the point of using other noise to drown it out. Other noise is wonderful where you want to eliminate other sounds just to hear a noise better. The absence of noise is jarring, funny how that works. They give awards to people for making noise. People have been immortalized and made wealthy because their noise spoke to the masses. I would argue that hearing is our most important sense.


Rhyming a one syllable word is too easy but lets make rain #BadBars:

Listen when I talk, it is not just noise

Crack his top, he’ll really get a cold one with the boys

Open the box, your girl will get fucked when I play with the toys

I’m calm under pressure, you’ve never seen this poise

Stay scheming all day, listen carefully to hear these ploys

I got a row full of happy women, call them a room full of Joys

Get me that bougie water. The Pellegrinos? No, La Croix’s

My dog kills everything in site. What he see, he destroys.

 

OK FINE THIS WAS HARDER THAN I THOUGHT. Three to four syllables are the best for this.

This is a great version of this song. Bye.

 

via Daily Prompt: Noise

Daily Prompt: Restart

I love the concept of restarting.

“Man, I love this song.” Start the song again.

“Updates have been installed.” Restart the computer.

“My device is acting up.” Did you turn it off and turn it on again?

Messed up my password…delete the whole thing, start from the top.

Broke your girl’s trust. Try to rebuild it.

Problem is unsolvable. Start over.

Giving something or someone a second chance to be great is a dope part of life. I would be a mess if I hadn’t given people another opportunity at redemption or extended the same to me. I’ve restarted songs halfway through the run time just because I’ve loved it so much.

Anyway, enough of this seriousness. I thought of this song when I saw the prompt:

 

 

 

via Daily Prompt: Restart

Sweater Struggle

5:57 A.M.

My eyes open to the dark room with a sliver of light cutting through the opening of the blackout curtains.  I don’t even look at my phone knowing that at any moment my first alarm will go off. An odd metered chime erupts from my phone and I roll my eyes as I swipe away the noise. Well, thank God I live to see another day but curses that I once again woke up before my alarm. Systems check. All my limbs work. I did charge my phone. I don’t have to pee. My naked body is warm under the covers but I can sense the chill morning air my less-than-stellarly insulated studio.  My arms are sore from yesterdays work out and I smile to myself in vanity. I have a strange premonition as I quickly think about what I’m going to wear to work before catching another quick 55 minutes of sleep.

6:53 A.M.

“Motherfucker,” I whisper to myself. I roll over to finish off these last seven minutes and hopefully pop back into that dream. I let the darkness come for me in that warm, hug-like nook. A softer, yet more piercing alarm rudely interrupts my chances at chasing a few more snores. I get out of bed unphased by the smell of the man that I am. Lights, teeth, deodorant, hair (lol), and clothes. I desperately need to do laundry. Haven’t worn this sweater in awhile. Where is my other shoe? Where did the time go? Outside, I see the bus rumble by blissfully unaware that it was supposed to wait for me. Whatever. I finally check the temperature. Yup, I wore the wrong shoes and choosing these pants with a hole in them was a choice I made. I readjust my sweater and the annoyance of the day slowly forms at this street corner.

8:00 A.M.

My fucking sweater is too small. I realize today will be one of constant adjustment. Have to make sure my crack isn’t out in the streets like the war on drugs. Doesn’t help I’m wearing the ugliest brown beater known to man…which is also too small. It would be fine if this sweater was only tight but the sleeves are too short and it is just not long enough. Obviously it’s freezing in the office and I’m pretty much wearing a skin suit. Ugh. That’s what that premonition was earlier in bed. Clothes will piss you off today. Should have looked at the weather and pivoted. Black Vans, “Black” pants with crotch hole, TIGHT black sweater. Looking like a out of shape thief. Looking like I’m going to a hipster funeral.

11:25 A.M.

Write all this out on WordPress to rave reviews and tons of fanfare. Thank the fans, God, and my parents. Bow gracefully and wave as applause pours in.

 

Listen to this song because it is what I immediately think of when I hear the word “premonition.” Stevie Wonder is brilliant.

 

 

 

via Daily Prompt: Premonition