This gone be quick because GoT comes on in 17 minutes.
I just watched a show of our from two days ago and I had to turn it off. I suck. I suck at the drums and it bums me out. Music is such a big part of my life and I’ve been playing the drums since I was eight. The drastic downturn in skill in the past two years is extremely disheartening and honestly it’s nobody’s fault but my own. The past two years I have lived in apartments that do not have basements. Back at all the previous iterations of Halfro house, we had basements and I had time. I would play nearly everyday and there was a point where I really felt improvement. There was confidence in ability, the feeling that my hands could do anything I thought of. Halfro was still playing a decent amount but Flounder Warehouse was starting to play more shows. I was able showcase my progress and it felt like even those around me could tell that I had improved.
Then we moved to West Philly. We were on the third floor and had a cool attic that I eventually did play (even if quietly) in but it wasn’t the same. The drums are loud. I need to practice at voice strength to get some licks down but I couldn’t because I was worried about the neighbors. They never said anything but still, I wasn’t comfortable. A couple times….
8 minutes to GoT.
Several times I would contact a friend of mine who had a studio with a drum set and I got to practice there. This was amazing but because of scheduling and money, this never became a steady option. Now, I live alone. I definitely cannot play in my apartment. I feel stressed out that I can’t play as often anymore. I hate inconveniencing people so playing at someone else’s house seems like such a bother to them even though they say (and probably mean) it’s not.
My confidence is gone. My fear is back. I can’t perform to the standard that I know I have in the past and it frustrates me to no end. People always come up to congratulate me after shows and I’m always appreciative but on the inside I feel like I let people down. This wasn’t my best because I’m out of practice.
So far, 26 is a great year. I want to be the best drummer I can be because not doing so or at least making an effort will continue to stress me out. Instead of spending money on dates, I should spend it on practice space/time. Instead of beer…drums. My contribution to the world is the emotion that I bring people when they hear me play. If I’m not at my best then what is the point?
Thrones has started so I’m done.