Exploration through definition. Also the title…I…I’m sorry.
The App: I feel like I’ve been talking a lot about dating and honestly…who cares, y’all aint reading this anyway. Bumble is miles better than Tinder and it’s not even close. First, let’s lay out the facts. I don’t look like…uh…idk Micheal B. Jordan. I’m average looking and a bit overweight. My good qualities need to be experienced and not just seen with a couple carefully chosen pictures. There is a societal onus on men to be the one who starts things off by messaging or approaching women initially. Bumble said bump that, you men are gross and stupid, we’ll make it that the girls have to message you first. I think this is so cool. It forces women who usually just sit and wait for all their matches to do something…to do something. Now women know the struggle of coming up with something other than “Hi” or “Hey” to kick off a conversation.
Men are dumb and that stuff they complain about will totally work…BUT NOT ON ME! A big thing for me is that I need for someone to be able to hold a conversation. It bugs me to no end if you can do this. Bumble makes women do that or at least start AND ANOTHER THING…nah, I’m kidding. Anyway, Bumble is cool and I’ve been much more successful on there than Tinder.
The Verb: I trip over things constantly. Randomly run into stuff and accidentally knock stuff over. I have no clue why this happens. My loyal date stamp could honestly sue for battery for the treatment it’s endured. Also, there have been several times when I turn the wrong way when I’m walking somewhere and I have to awkwardly change directions. Taking corners to fast and smashing my hip on something, dancing too hard and punching a wall. I’m out here bumbling through the physical world. I think it’s a synecdoche of my entire life at this moment.
The Other Verb: My tongue is too big (Ayy) and it causes problems. I talk weird. I have a slight lisp and it seems like there’s something in my mouth when I talk. THERE IS, MY BIG ASS TONGUE. For reference, I can pick my nose with it and touch the bottom of my chin. In any case, sprinkle in so awkwardness and I sound garbled…or bumbled.