Farcing the Issue

Have I talked about dating yet?

*Theme Song*

Dating is a farce. At least from my experience. It’s an absurd act of pageantry to get the chance to talk to a girl that you hope has similar goals. If not, maybe you can manipulate the situation to get what you need. You create a persona that you want to project into the world and for a majority of the people that come across you, it’s the real you. As long as that projection of yourself is interesting you can be whoever you want. Start talking to some people and lie your butt off about common interests. Boom, you’ve gotten this girl comfy enough to meet you at bar, perform like a monkey and then get them back to your place.

Pics are carefully chosen to make you seem way cooler. That one with you and your friends at a cool party last year despite you preferring to be in your undies, neck deep in Cheetos. A selfie you took five times to make sure you didn’t look too drunk. Another of you on that one trip out of the country to show that you are well traveled.

It’s a game mixed with performance art. It’s brilliant and deeply worrying. For example, on CMB, I have my occupation as: drummer. LOL. I definitely do play the drums and I am passionate about it but in no way is it my profession. It sounds a lot better than what I do full time and I know for a fact there is an attraction to musicians. Sometimes, I think of chatting with girls as an improv exercise. How can I contribute to this conversation despite the subject. It’s not always like this and many topics come up that I am actually interested in and then it’s way easier…but sometimes less fun. Can I be anything this girl wants while not compromising myself? Yup. You like cats? Cats are cool.  You’ve never been with a black guy? Hello, my name is Justin. You like to sew? I made this thing once in 8th grade and my grandma has made me countless blankets. What kind of stitch did you use? You’re super flirty? Get ready for sharp, sex-laden witticisms. Oh, you like slaughtering orphans? Ok, bye.

Oh shit, I’m a bad person.

Wait, no I’m not. Fuck you.

When it comes to what I want and what I’m looking to get out of this, I will ALWAYS be honest. Maybe I won’t be forthcoming with this but if you ask, I’ll tell you 100% of the time. A bad person would be your boyfriend until he gets the cheeks and then peace out of there.

It’s a song and dance and there’s a 74% (THIS IS A REAL NUMBER BACKED BY SCIENCE) chance you’ll be on the road to the Friendzone Dome. So do your best and play the game. Just realize it’s a farce.

That’s a picture of peacock…that seems relevant.


via Daily Prompt: Farce


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