So I wake up, full of life, ready to take on the day. It’s Friday, work is going to be easy and I’m about to listen to a whole bunch of new music. “Babe, wanna listen to the new Drake album?”
“What? No,” she sneers as she punches me in the face and rolls back to sleep. Unperturbed, I get dressed and jog to the bus I almost miss and excitedly turn on Scorpion.
Drake has released yet another bloated, mediocre project. Scorpion is 25 tracks of nothing you haven’t heard before. The only new thing is acknowledgement of his son. Outside of “Survival”, “God’s Plan,” a verse on “Emotionless,” and Jay Z’s verse on “Talk Up,” the whole first disc is forgettable. Usually Drake’s bravado is carried by stellar production but so many of the songs sound the same. The homogeneous beat selection kind of blurs everything together if you’re not paying super close attention. I guess there wasn’t a trend significant enough for him to dickride. Plus, it’s not like Aubrey is dropping super duper knowledge. A few standout bars like in the middle of “Emotionless”:
I know a girl whose one goal was to visit Rome
Then she finally got to Rome
And all she did was post pictures for people at home
‘Cause all that mattered was impressin’ everybody she’s known
I know another girl that’s cryin’ out for help
But her latest caption is “Leave me alone”
I know a girl happily married ’til she puts down her phone
I know a girl that saves pictures from places she’s flown
To post later and make it look like she still on the go
…..OK go off
Also during the intro track he says: “My Mount Rushmore is me with four different expressions,” which is just dripping with swag which I love and on the first song, I was buttered up for an over the top cocky Drake. Then there’s Jay Z’s verse on “Talk Up” which is good but has a line that is right in line with celebrities trying to make me feel bad about XXXtentacion (may he rest in peace). Other than that, the production does not do much to make we want to listen to most of the album.
Disc 2 is slower but there are definite standouts that deserved a second listen. Much more singing and I feel like I enjoyed this half much more. “Summer Games” grabbed me immediately with its repetitive, pulsing synths and rhythmic percussion. I like this one a lot but unfortunately it is sandwiched between “Peak” and “Jaded” both of which are just boring. Like “God’s Plan” I skipped “Nice For What” because I’ve heard it a billion times by now. Its placement on the project is a departure from the low energy that surrounds it. I’m assuming he wanted to wake listeners back up after putting them to sleep for 15 minutes. “Ratchet Happy Birthday” is a dumb title but is definitely a highlight on this half of the album. The piano in the background and drums keep me interested while Drake sings about someones “fucking birthday” (that’s mad disrespectful, celebrate me). It’s not groundbreaking but I like it. This is followed up by “That’s How I Feel” whose wavy, Blade Runner-like synths and muted hihats make for a really nice instrumental. I like the vocal performance on this song as Drake rides the beat really well both singing and rapping. The uncredited Nicki Minaj (I think) part is a little aggressive but serves as a nice counter to the relaxed nature of the beat.
Dead af Micheal Jackson is featured on “Don’t Matter To Me” and it sounds great. I’m sure I could look up where they got this sample from but I don’t care. MJ elevates this song and thinking about it now….HOW DARE DRAKE THINK HE CAN SING WITH THE G.O.A.T.? Kidding, it’s not that big of a deal but the chorus is cool.
I don’t care about the rest.
I’ll wait until the Drake stans tell me what to care about or what singles are released that I will be Stockholmed into liking. I’ve said this in a previous review, if you released 20 something songs and I only like 40%…your album is MEDIOCRE. Here I am mad that I keep getting my expectations up only to be let down AGAIN.
Here is a preferred tracklist:
- Survival-It’s the intro
- God’s Plan-*Sigh* It’s a good song
- I’m Upset-I really hate this song but it was released as a single so it can’t be…unreleased?
- Talk Up
- Is There More-Why not, I like the beat
- Summer Games
- Nice For What (See #3)
- Ratchet Happy Birthday
- Don’t Matter To Me
10 of 25…That’s bullshit and I even gave him a song. This could be 9. His flow is the same, his singing is the same. There has been no growth.
If you wanna listen to the whole thing, check it out here: