The Olympics: A Blurb

Happy Valentine’s Day


I love the Olympics. Summer or Winter, it doesn’t matter.

Why, Justin? 

The competition, the sports you don’t get to see all that often. The top athletes being great on a world stage. You can let yourself feel that blind patriotism that most days you’re ashamed to show. The drama! The stories! The random people you’ve never heard of that are literally the greatest in the world shot into stardom. The weird objectification of bodies that we are totally OK with for like two weeks. The Morgan Freeman Visa commercials. It’s primal. Shaun White is back. Chloe Kim is dumpstering women. The Koreas are playing nice. Speed skating still GOATing. Curling is basically just a fancy lawn game. Twitter moments are lit. I love it, I love it, I love it.

Now sure, IOC is SUPER corrupt and the world is a mess but I WILL NOT LET YALL NEGATIVE, PERMA-DEPRESSED, SENSITIVE 20-SOMETHINGS RUIN THIS FOR ME.

USA

USA

USA

#BestOfUs

Go win all the things.

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Bad Bars: Conjure

I swear I’ll write something meaningful but I used up all my juices earlier so you get this.


The bars I spit bring forth demons, don’t be frightened by the things I conjure

Alcoholic with the punches, you’re gonna need a sponsor

You’ll need a lot of energy to see me, you need to drink a monster

Choppin’ limbs off, have his body looking like a romper

Stayed in the sun too long, you used to much bronzer

I’m the king of my city, wonder where else I will conquer

Probably roll up to New Hampshire, I think I’ll take Concord

Gang affiliation, when the grapes come it’s not concord

Road rage the only time you make noise, you a honker

Dancing with the ring, your girl I’ll taunt her

She a dime though, in the public I’ll flaunt her

Where did you get brunette, that girl is blonde sir

 

My brother mentioned this song to me and it is a perennial banger:

 

 

via Daily Prompt: Conjure

Daily Prompt: Simplify

Hmmmm

You’re stupid, so let me simplify

I toss pussies outta windows, wimps’ll fly

I hate sex trafficking, pimps’ll die

Don’t make me curse you, I will jinx a guy

Beat me? Never, better waiting for pigs to fly

Or setting fire to rinks of ice

Weed got you happy but this news will sink the high

 

I’m getting sloppy. Go listen to the Black Panther album that was released today.

 

 

via Daily Prompt: Simplify

Man of the Woods-Justin Timberlake

Album review!


Everyone knows who JT is and it has been awhile since we’ve gotten a new project. Off the album cover I thought we were getting a more soulful, slightly country R&B album but nope. Going to do things differently just cuz. There are sixteen tracks *sarcastic finger twirl* so I’ll review each song like a tweet. This is all off first listen as well. For those a little slow, that is 16 tweets. Maybe I’ll even use a hashtag. Let’s go:

  1. “Filthy”-Interesting start to the album, epic beginning that morphs into this groovy electro bop. It’s cool but I really hate the excessive use of the word “haters”.
  2. “Midnight Summer Jam”-I was really about to just not listen to the rest of this because the “Ultralight Beam” rhythms but the rest of the song is dancey and fun. This is a warning JT.
  3. “Sauce”-“I love your…pink” LOL I think this song is good. The guitar riff and drums are very *BIG SIGH* saucy. I foresee a summer jam from this.
  4. “Man of the Woods”-The title track is a whimsical ditty. It’s cute and the instrumental fits the lyrics….meh
  5. “Higher Higher”-The beginning of this mid tempo tune is hot. The falsetto and that guitar note. Mmm yes. But the last of the song just seems a bit repetitive.
  6. “Wave”-Appropriately named, beachy yet hip relaxed song with its bouncy guitars. I really like this one #Wave
  7. “Supplies”-Man idk. It’s ok. It exists.
  8. “Morning Light”-Adorable little love song. Alicia Keys sounds great here. +1 for claps.
  9. “Say Something”-This is what I assumed the majority of the album would be. Chris Stapleton is always great but the song is whatever and doesn’t really go anywhere.
  10. “Hers(Interlude)”-It’s an interlude.
  11. “Flannel”-Uh, the hefty amount of layering of vocal tracks all over the album came to a head here because this was like a chorus line (of Justins) singing over a beat that one kid made on his laptop. Oh shit. That’s the plot to Pitch Perfect.
  12. “Montana”-standard pop offering. Guitars, electronic drums. It’s unoffensive and I’m not mad at it but *shrugs*
  13. “Breeze Off the Pond”-It’s a more interesting version of the same description of the last song.
  14. “Livin’ Off the Land”-Effortlessly flows from the last song. Thought was falling into problem with some songs on 20/20 of songs not knowing when to end but this is great. Carried by and upright bass and smooth vocal melody. Here for this. A standout for me.
  15. “The Hard Stuff”-OK so the last third of the album is definitely in line with what I was expecting. This track is cool but I’m having trouble describing it.
  16. “Young Man”-This song is about his son and he’s giving him advice. It’s cute. This is a cute way to end the album

Overall, I think this was a solid presentation. My problem with parts of 20/20 was that it seemed like some songs just went on for too long. Man of the Woods is just over an hour but only one of the songs push past five minutes. In music that will reach the mainstream, I believe this to be super important because…ain’t nobody got time for that. I guess I didn’t realize this before but JT uses a TON of layers on vocal parts throughout the project. Also a trend that I’m glad wasn’t carried through was a lot half time bridges with 808’s. There’s a couple here and there but not an egregious amount. I think some of the singles were weird but there are some really cool songs.

Clearly, Justin is enjoying his life as a married, happy father. I really appreciate this because everybody is just so frickin’ sad and depressed all the time. Let’s leave the sad music alone for…a long time. Can’t escape the shitty real world if everybody is releasing politically charged, emotionally draining sad shit. I’M OVER IT. So thank you Justin Timberlake for releasing pleasant music. I don’t usually rank things on a number scale (literally have never done it) but this is like a 7.8/10 for me.

Peep game:

 

FINAL THING: Justin is hosting the performing at the Superbowl this weekend

E-A-G-L-E-S

EAGLES!!!

r/WritingPrompts

So this is a subreddit that I have been actively avoiding for fear of getting trapped. Today I popped in there and it happened, I got trapped. I may do a couple here and there because creative writing is my new hotness. 


PROMPT: Everybody has a number on their heads that shows how many people they screwed over in their life. You’ve been a proud zero your whole life. One day you wake up and look at the mirror. You see 7.5 billion.

“What the fuck?”

How did this happen? I furiously rub my head as if that would do anything. These stupid numbers are ridiculous but my blank forehead had been a point of pride for all of my 26 years. After the initial shock the weight of this new addition hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt woozy and stumbled to the toilet where I violently vomited everything in my body.

I started running through my day yesterday. Woke up, work, go home, TV, bed. Nothing different occurred. My head hurt trying to work through every single detail but I couldn’t think of anything that would have such a widespread effect. Quickly dialing my boss I inform him that I don’t feel well and won’t be in. I can’t been seen with this number. I will never be able to leave my house again. Classic exaggeration.

 


So, I stopped writing this because I couldn’t find out where to take this story. That hasn’t changed so I’m putting it out not even close to finished. I couldn’t think of a clever way to address the problem. What seemingly inconsequential act could this Joe schmo do that would doom the everyone on the planet. I was thinking maybe he was so evil that he made a treacherous decision, at a job to be disclosed later, but that wouldn’t make sense with his number starting off with zero. I thought maybe he was the one vote that caused a sway in an election but I would hate for that to be the reveal of any story right now. What am I? A late night host? So yeah, I gave up. Sorry to my legion of fans (LOL) that was looking forward to this.

Who’s That Girl?

More creative writing. The person who suggested this will probably read this. Relax, you’re still a 4.9 on a good day.


Prompt: First describe in detail the characteristics of someone you care about. Imagine that you’re describing them to someone who has never met them before. Think about habits they have, specific details.

Once you’ve done that, examine the character you’ve created. Then, switch to a paragraph describing the same person, the same traits, from the perspective of someone who hates them with every fiber of their being. How does the paragraph change?

The first thing you’ll notice is her beauty. Her caramel skin likened to a Werther’s Original is complemented by her dark, thick mane. She loves to laugh, willingly and unabashedly. It errupts from her being as if we should be honored to experience it. But to focus on her well-maintained exterior is a disservice to the person. Her independence and drive comes from her proud heritage. Where she’s from is who she is and it emanates from her spirit. A taut moral compass leaves her fearless to speak about any misguided thought. Her appreciation of space reminds you of a master jazz soloist. It’s not just for her, it’s for you as well. It lets you miss her presence while allowing you both the time to value yourselves.

* * *

I just don’t understand how someone can be so high maintenance. Fuck you and your lotions and potions. She reminds me of that cookie that makes me gag. Fig Newton’s. She loves her hair but honestly, it’s probably the same bushy mess that Abraham found the ram in at the last moment.  It’s also fucking everywhere. Toilet, sink, bed, floor, clothes; it’s glitter-like permanence is sickening and ever-present. And like WE GET IT, you’re Mexican! It’s all you ever talk about, you’re a broken record that only plays Mariachi music (HOLY JESUS THAT’S RACIST). Her call out mentality is everything that’s wrong with this soft as toilet paper, sensitive as teeth generation. You won’t change anything, you’ll just piss them off and reinforce the notion that Millennials are pussies. Finally, what the fuck is up with sleeping in the same bed but in a different timezone? Complain that you’re cold and ignore the full grown human next to you…what? If you don’t get your interrupt the movie loud laughing, abandon you all week like a talking sex toy, tiny hands having ass all the way the fuck outta here.

*exhales* SO MEAN!

 

That was a lot of fun.

2018 Grammy Wrap-up

THE BIGGEST NIGHT IN MUSIC was ok


For no reason at all, I’m going to give my thoughts on the Grammy’s that occurred last night on January 28th. Overall, I think it was a decent night and other than a few robberies, nothing was SUPER notable.

The show started off with a great Kendrick Lamar performance that was inter cut with some quips from Dave Chappelle. I loved it, Kenny proving he’s one of the best acts out now. Great way to start the show. James Corden’s hosting was whatever and I didn’t find him distractingly bad. His “Train Carpool Karaoke” sketch was lame and the Bannon book reading bit was easy bait to appeal to the left-leaning, entertainment industry. Eh. Sam Smith did fine, Little Big Town borrowed Sam’s white jacket and also performed fine. There was a hefty amount of country this year and like no rock. Rihanna blessed us with “Wild Thoughts” and Childish Gambino reminded us that he’s still way too good at too many things. We saw a whole bunch of Sting, U2 freeze on the Hudson, Ke$ha crying, and Pink not swinging from anything.

Oooh I’m listening to a BTS song and I’m not even mad that I knew without looking.

Back to the show.

For the actual awards, I feel like there were some pretty serious robberies. Best New Artist went to Alessia Cara which should have went to SZA. Alessia has had commercial success for a number of years and while people have known about SZA, her rise has been meteoric. Oh well, I don’t make the rules. Album, Record, and Song and Record of the Year all went to Bruno Mars. No. I tweeted this last night but 24K Magic is good and fun but Jay-Z, Childish Gambino and Lorde put out career defining works. Bruno was the safe choice and his music was frickin’ everywhere last year. Him winning makes sense but I just disagree with it. Ed Sheeran won awards (some weren’t televised) *sigh*. Kendrick won big in the Rap categories, he still got robbed for GKMC so I guess this is fine. “Humble” absolutely deserves its awards but DAMN is one of Lamar’s weakest projects (fight me) in a crazy stacked year. I believe Jay-Z’s “4:44” should have won Best Rap Album while Best Rap/Sung Performance should have went to…anybody else. The fact Jay got no awards is CRAZY to me.

Reading through the list of winners is interesting. Cece Winans, Mastadon, and Alabama Shakes all won Grammys. I want to go listen to the jazz nominees. There was a tie in the Bluegrass category; I did not know that was possible.

Anyway, overall the show was unoffensive and devoid of any big moments. I give it a meh/10.

Oh, I loved Cardi: