Writing Stand up?

I’ve always wanted to do stand up but I don’t think I’m funny enough or have the life experience to come up with good material. Well today I looked up how to write stand up jokes and found a decent guide with an outline. 


Step 1: Establish a funny concept

My mom loved my white (ex) girlfriend.

Step 2: Make a list

-Mom was the only woman in a house of four sons and her husband. They did stuff together like cook, shop, gossip

-First girl I brought home

-would she be like this if she was black?

Step 3: Write your first draft

JOKE 1-

Establishing the Concept: So I was thinking about how my mother really loved my white ex-girlfriend. 

Emphasizing concept + creating a build up: I grew up in a pretty religious family and it was the first time I had brought a girl home. I have a lisp too…they probably thought I was gay.

Punch: Nope, I just wanted to avoid conversations about God spying on my sex life. Which by the way, can think of all the stuff God has seen? He’s probably like, “I did not think they would do that with the horses.”

JOKE 2-

Build up: So something was coming up and I was like “Mom, I’m bringing this girl home.” Cool, obviously she had to sleep in the guest bedroom because God forbid we sleep together after dating for 4 months. We get there and immediately they are bonding. I have NEVER seen her act like this. They’re shopping together, laughing together, my ex had damn near extracted the secret ingredient of my mom’s pound cake out of her.

Punch: Wonder if she would act like this if she was black…?

Emphasis: Maybe she just found it as an opportunity to teach a white person how to season food. Just kidding…that girl didn’t cook. 

Bonus tip: Create opportunities to pivot

I’m with this girl now and my Mom pretty much dismissed Mexico’s glorious contribution to food. You won’t eat a burrito but all of a sudden, Mom is on Duolingo learning Spanish because “they” are everywhere? …..Shit. My mom might be a racist. 

 

I liked this and I think I could flesh this joke out even more by exploring some more areas. I may continue to do this when I think of funny stuff. Here’s the link that I used: http://www.goldcomedy.com/resources/write-stand-up-comedy/

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SPOILERS: Infinity War Thoughts

THERE WILL BE SPOILERS ALL THROUGHOUT THIS. LEAVE NOW IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE.

YOU. HAVE. BEEN. WARNED.


This isn’t a full review because I don’t want to do one but here are some quick thoughts. Thanos was such a good villain. Even though there were a billion main characters we got a villain with decent character development. He’s a psychopath but at least the reasoning for his actions aren’t just “I wanna rule the world” and he believes in his goals. He’s also strong as shit. Now there’s a part where a couple of the Avengers meet him on his planet and hatch a plan to deglove our purple antagonist. They get so close but then Peter Quill gets all in his feeling cuz his booty call got killed. Like bruh…you got half the universe murdered because you can’t control emotions? It’s your fault, Starlord. I hope you feel bad.

Actually, that’s all I wanted to say.  The movie was good, I’m sure we’ll see everyone back in the part 2.

Love you, bye.

 

Daily Prompt: Parallel

Back in college I was in this band called Chocolate Milk. At one point we thought we were about to be famous so we had to change our name. Turns out Chocolate Milk was a funk band from the 70s:

 

We couldn’t compete with that so started the arduous process of a name change. We finally settled on Halfro but we came up with many possibilities. One of those was Parallel Parks. I voted for this because I really liked the double meaning. One being the vehicular maneuver to place one’s car near a curb and the other of just having two public spaces adjacent to each other.

In the end I’m glad we didn’t go with it. So many letters.

If you care, this is what we sounded like:

https://halfromusic.bandcamp.com/releases

 

via Daily Prompt: Parallel

Wrinkle

I guess this was meant to be. 


A Wrinkle In Time was G A R B A G E.

Let me clarify, I mean the movie. The book holds a very important place in my heart. Seventh grade was one of the turning points in my life and I remember this book making a significant impact. So when the movie was announced and I saw the cast, I was appropriately excited. I liked the casting of the Misses, Gugu, and the best Chris. They also had a chunky budget, it should have worked.

But it didn’t.

It sucked.

My biggest gripe was that it was straight up boring. I don’t know how much of this is nostalgia but there was a sense of wonder, adventure, and tension in the book. None of that translated to the screen. Interesting things were taken out or changed for whatever reason. There were continuity issues that got annoying to me. Giant flying cabbage. OD bullying. Being LAUNCHED onto a mountain in a tree and SURVIVING?!? Sure, I’m nitpicking at this point but seriously this was not good. So I’m thinking, is this a worse adaption that The Last Airbender? Surely it can’t be but…

Positives:

-It was pretty
-Reese Witherspoon was fun
– Kid who played CW was good at being creepy and evil but that’s probably because he’s child. Every other time he was horrifically annoying.
-Zach Galifianakis had the funniest line in the movie but I can’t remember it because it was surrounded by doo doo.

Ugh

Pro-tip for every single person that dates: Don’t go to the movies on the first date. It’s dumb. We believe this was happening right next to us and it’s just doesn’t make any sense.

 

via Daily Prompt: Wrinkle

Daily Prompt: Noise

Noise

What a word. Is there a negative connotation associated with the word noise? Noisy, noise complaint. Probably but what about music and the sound of someone’s voice you like. The gentle underlying roar of a rain storm or the applause after a performance. Some noise is definitely annoying to the point of using other noise to drown it out. Other noise is wonderful where you want to eliminate other sounds just to hear a noise better. The absence of noise is jarring, funny how that works. They give awards to people for making noise. People have been immortalized and made wealthy because their noise spoke to the masses. I would argue that hearing is our most important sense.


Rhyming a one syllable word is too easy but lets make rain #BadBars:

Listen when I talk, it is not just noise

Crack his top, he’ll really get a cold one with the boys

Open the box, your girl will get fucked when I play with the toys

I’m calm under pressure, you’ve never seen this poise

Stay scheming all day, listen carefully to hear these ploys

I got a row full of happy women, call them a room full of Joys

Get me that bougie water. The Pellegrinos? No, La Croix’s

My dog kills everything in site. What he see, he destroys.

 

OK FINE THIS WAS HARDER THAN I THOUGHT. Three to four syllables are the best for this.

This is a great version of this song. Bye.

 

via Daily Prompt: Noise

Ronald Bruner Jr-Triumph

So I’ve recently entered the “Domesticity of Justin” chapter. The other day I was
“cooking” dinner with my girlfriend and I decided we’re going to listen to some jazz. This is because obviously I’m 58 years old. Miles Davis’ Kind of Blue kicked this night off. Then I transition to some of my old favorites that I used to listen to when I was heavy into jazz. This morning at work, I wanted to create a playlist of a bunch of this music and just have a nostalgia boner while I worked. Melody Gardot, Jamie Cullum, Avishai Cohen, Kneebody and more fill up this playlist. I wanted to add some tunes from the Grammy winning album Stanley Clarke Band. Ronald Bruner Jr anchors this album but I remember that he released an album of his own. Ignoring the extensive playlist I just created, I dive into Triumph. Image result for triumph ronald bruner

Ronald has been a mainstay in the jazz world for years. His brother, acclaimed musician and documented weirdo, Thundercat has also been killing it as well. Ronald Bruner Jr. is better than your favorite drummer. He can LITERALLY play any style but is known for his immense speed and power. He’s so good that when listing favorites he is oft forgotten about until mentioned and then the “Oh, well duh” and “Yeah, of course” phrases come out. He’s so good, it’s unfair and it makes me want to practice and retire at the same time. Now, history denotes that drummers usually can’t/don’t make good albums. It’s a fact, sorry. Many times the music is just a basic foundation for the drummer to just go crazy. Elementary musical ideas with drumming brilliance. It gets old.

Triumph ain’t that.

This is a well made project with engaging ideas and masterful musicianship. Ronald sets the tone early though; displaying sheer skill and command of his instrument in the first ten seconds of the album. He’s here to show off. The first track, “True Story,” is a driving, inspirational number that is interlaced with ridiculous drum fills. I’m impressed because I’m just such a fan but a seed of doubt is sewn because if he just loses his mind on each track it will get indulgent real fast and that would be disappointing. “Take The Time” features his brother Thundercat and begins with a groovy riff with busy drums behind them. It reminds me of Mark Guiliana’s work on David Bowie’s Blackstar. Bruner’s skill is once again on display while the guitars just calmly sit over top as a welcome juxtaposition. “She’ll Be Back” and “One Night” are more in line with a good chunk of the album. Neo-soul, R&B, jazz, and hip-hop elements all fuse together for several mid tempo offerings that fill out the track listing.

Most of the instrumentation is live because Ronald definitely has access to incredible players. There are some absolutely absurd solos sprinkled throughout Triumph. In another review I mentioned how nobody was going for blood in the moments they have…not the case here. There are lengthy fusion instrumentals that allow musicians to stretch out and they take full advantage. This include solos from Bruner himself that are just confounding. Like…what do you even do? How is that even fair?

There are some moments that dip into a more electric pool. “Doesn’t Matter” has electric drums and its hypnotizing synth makes for a very cool track. “To You/For You” is two completely different songs with the last two minutes being this hard-hitting, super produced rap song. It’s weird but whatever, if he wants to make beats and rap on his own album he can. Unfortunately, it is by far the weakest moment on the entire album.

That one instance of rapping is a good segue into the vocals on Triumph. There are not a ton of features on this project which means with the exception of Mac Miller, Danielle Withers and what I would assume some vocals from lil bro, Ronald is doing all the singing. Bruner has a really nice voice. At some points it sounds A LOT like Usher and his rhythms and melodies are cool enough to keep you invested. He uses layers and background vocals quite well to create full sounding singing parts. He stays in his bag and times he seems to push his voice it feels like it is on purpose to convey emotion.

I enjoyed Triumph but I could say that maybe it’s two albums in one. One is this R&B, soul  sometimes poppy project while this other is a modern jazz/fusion masterclass. They fuse together into an album that I enjoy thoroughly with my admittedly rose colored glasses.

Peep the album here:

 

 

Daily Prompt: Restart

I love the concept of restarting.

“Man, I love this song.” Start the song again.

“Updates have been installed.” Restart the computer.

“My device is acting up.” Did you turn it off and turn it on again?

Messed up my password…delete the whole thing, start from the top.

Broke your girl’s trust. Try to rebuild it.

Problem is unsolvable. Start over.

Giving something or someone a second chance to be great is a dope part of life. I would be a mess if I hadn’t given people another opportunity at redemption or extended the same to me. I’ve restarted songs halfway through the run time just because I’ve loved it so much.

Anyway, enough of this seriousness. I thought of this song when I saw the prompt:

 

 

 

via Daily Prompt: Restart